Saturday, May 31, 2008

omgg,im damn bored!!i slept at 10 plus last night then i woke up at like 3 plus in the afternoon today.so tired,sleep so much!!!the last two days were so tiring traveling up and down and doing so many hours of art(which is my worst subject).anws,forced myself to get out of bad because was supposed to go meet daddy to makan dinner.then end up he just called to day he no time coming here to pass me allowance then zhao.then i msg him ask him buy dinner cos haven eat at all.then he said ok.shiok.dun need to walk out to go buy myself!!!!!tmr going nat church for service then in the afternoon play captains ball at her church.the team colour is white.lucky lucky i found one white shirt at home.haha,thats the problem with trying to get ppl like me to wear same colour!!ive got limited colours only.ahahha,mostly black!!yeah anws,im gonna stone here till my food arrives.

;2:15 AM

Friday, May 30, 2008

the oh so unglam pic nabilah just had to take of me..

after training my legs hurting like crazy,

so striaght away take off shoes

hahaha

pay too much attention to my phone

forget to close legs!!!

paiseh paiseh paiseh!

haha,

;6:53 AM

AND NOW,YOU CAN EVEN FORGET MY BIRTHDAY.

I DUN CARE ANYMORE.

IM GIVING UP,

GIVING UP EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE BEEN

HOLDING ONTO FOR SO LONG.

IM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS THINGS,

WHICH ALWAYS HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

IM SORRY,

BUT MAYBE THIS JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

I CANT BELIEVE YOU ARE MY MOTHER[YOUVE HURT ME TOO MANY A TIMES]

;5:58 AM

HAHA,but i finish my i wish..sentence for somebody,i blog about the day first!!!haha,woke up early early again to go bedok.sleep on the train.haha,damn shiok!!!then alight the train,then afterwards call athirah she at the other side tell her that nad parents bringing us to SOTA then she come to my side.then george took her father car.athirah lied to her that we caught in jam but we were alrdy at the lecture hall there-.->anws,started the tiring alomst eight hours of art!!!had pizza for lunch,yum yum!!the food they order rocks!!!then ask what are we supposed to do with our picture that we submitted in,then martin said that it was to select 10 schools out iof 300 hundred schools to go for this special workshop.end up had to do an art piece all over again.then mind was quite okay lahs.haha,but our class all balck and green siol.so funny,cos martin wearing this 1819 shirt whichh was also green and black.so later,we used finished dunno how many balck marker!!haha,then later the whole group was brought in for this interview by the moe ppl and others.so pai seh lahs,then i wrote the things i needed to say on my hand!worst thing was there was cameraman there!!!haha,so say sy say then nad so funny lahs.she was so scared and so anxious.lucky athirah and i okay cos we did interview yesterday also..haha!then so late then come home,nearly vomited on the way back!!!:( haha,anws i cant drag any time longer,gotta finish my sentence liaos.

THIS IS FOR BIG MAN!!:)
i wish..
that i could have meet you earlier so i wouldnt be so sadd,at least got somebody to keep me smiling!!!
haha,THANKS!!! :D

TAKE MY HAND,TAKE MY WHOLE LIFE TOO.
I CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.

;4:38 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2008

AND ITS YOU THAT I WANT,

;6:48 AM

and i thought i was the one in the wrong.but seems like you dun even want me in the house.there i am sitting right in front of you,you dun care.you just talk to jayne!!when shes doing something,you would be concerned and go help her.but whenever im doin something and i really need help,you just sit there and ignore me.this is really damn unfair.if you want me out of the house,you should have told me earlier!!then i wouldnt even be in this world alrdy.i would have jumped down from my playground carpark,so i wouldnt be bothering you anymore.so why?why didnt you tell me earlier?now,i cant bear to give up the things i have fought so hard for..but you dun care.you just dun care.i try so hard to gain your attention,did my best in the things i could,but all i got back was just a thats good and then you walk away.i doubt you even noticed how hurt ive been feeling this few days.im always not at home.but so what?now you blame me?you were the one who made me dread going home so much..now you want me to love going home?it wont be that easy alrdy.sometimes when i go home early,no ones home.its like this is my life.always alone,you all just dun care.yes,jayne is the first born.so those that leeave me out?the youngest?i hate it.i hate everything that is happening.i hate the life you are giving me.i dun wanna be part of this family anymore.i'd rather give up my life for someone who deserves it more then me.cos i feel that i dun deserve it at all.you shouldnt have given me life in the first place,then i wouldnt be here causing you so much misery!!!

;5:38 AM

i was thinking about life and guess what i thot?i shouldnt feel so discouraged just because of one person.i dunno whether i should heed janelle's advice or not.her situation is the same as me but i really dun have the trust in _____ like he said it most probably wouldnt be worth it.it would be very long and most probably not worth it.i dunno whether to wait or not.i need an answer now.i dunno wanna be waiting for the answer so long.i'd rather just get hurt once more then get hurt while waiting for you.soc what
?i know i might sound despo or something like that but i dun care.i just need the answer,im hanging by a thread.

guess what?you screwed my life up,
[but its over now,]

;3:34 AM

okay.tell you about national league game yesterday..we played against spped but then we lost..first game only siol.omgg,haha!but its alright,just gotta play harder next time.i was shpcked cos noraida put me to play for all four quaters.then i was like..hehe,so wierd.didnt expect that to happen.ohwells,one and second quater played centre,third sze lin played c i played wing a.thenlast one me and sze lin switch positions.haha!then after the game we found out there were like 4 frogs or toads there.no offence amanda!!haha,then so scary i started hugging the pole.but i still cannot forget ainsley reaction..haha!so big and funny.then afterwards told sze lin got frog then me and kim lee ask her close eyes then dragged her there.but then halfway she open her eyes.haha.then she go throw her justea empty packet at the frog/toad head.haha,so mean.then afterwards she got take back then suddenly got one lizard drop down.then i freaked out all over again then started hugging the pole.haha,mummy went to watch then sfterwards ate with her then go home.reach home 12 plus.then the next day or rather that day had to wake up at 5 plus.omgg,torture!!but anws when went back released that the kittens were brought down to the floor by the mother.haha,they started peeing allover the place then had to keep cleaning!!haha,lucky today i managed to wake up then went there then had dunno how many hours of art.or should i say brain storming.then i write down all the ideas then ask nad draw.haha,they provided macs as lunch for us..so good!!!we were released from the thing early then found out got this interview thingy.then i took over nad cos she did not want to do..but she owes me a treat!!then go in so pai seh.got camera all this things.so athirah did it with me,then well it went quite well but we felt damn retarded lahs.look at the freaking cam then talk.like talking to wall.then just came back.finally!!but sadly need to go back again tmr.means gotta wake up again.haha..cant wait for next week.gonna play with the seniors froim sports school!!haha,
somebody lead the way for me,i dun wanna get lost again and again and again!

;2:39 AM

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

ONE MORE TIME!ONE MORE TIME!IM TOO BORED..WAITING FOR THE TIME TO LEAVE HOUSE TO GO KALLANG..

NAME 20 PPL YOU CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW.
1)JUSTIN
2)TASNEEM
3)NARRELE
4)YUAN MIN
5)RUI YING
6)AINSLEY
7)SI MANN
8)ENSELIA
9)CODY
10)HUI LIN
11)JAYNE
12)SZE LIN
13)YU CHI
14)LI JIE
15)QIUHUI
16)BASIL
17)HUI WEN
18)JANELLE
19)SAMANTHA
20)REBECCA

HOW DID YOU MEET 14?[LI JIE]
HES MY CLASSMATE!!

HOW WOULD YOU DO IF OUY HAD NOT MET 1?[JUSTIN]
EH,I THINK NO DIFFERENCE LAHS.

WHAT IF 9 AND 20 DATED?[CODY AND REBECCA]
ERM.THEY DUN EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER.HOW CAN?!UNLESS I INTRO><

WILL 6 AND 17 DATE?[AINSLEY AND HUI WEN]
POSSIBLE,BUT THEY WILL BE LESBIANS!!

DESCRIBE 3[NARELLE]
CHIO BU.DANCE..

IS 8 ATTRACTIVE?[ENSELIA]
YUPPS,AND EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE IN OTHERS EYES.

DESCRIBE 7[SI MANN]
SHES NICE,MY SENIOR!!

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF 12'S FAMILY MEMBER?[SZE LIN]
NOPES,WE'RE BOTH JUST IN THE SAME TEAM.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 18 CONFESSES HE/SHE LIKES YOU?[JANELLE]
FOR GOODNESS SAKE,IM NOT LES!!!!

WHAT LANGUAGE DOES 15 SPEAK?[QIUHUI]
I DUNNO FOR NOW.SO LONG NEVER TALK TO HER LIAOS

WHO IS 9 GOING OUT WITH?[CODY]
HOW I KNOW,JUST A RANDOM NAME THAT CAME INTO MY HEAD LAHS

HOW OLD IS 16?[BASIL]
16 THIS YEAR?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SPOKE TO 13?[YU CHI]
CENTURIES AGO..

WHO IS 2'S FAVE SINGER OR BAND?[TASNEEM]
OH NO,THIS ONE I DUNNO SIOL

HAVE YOU EVER DATED 4?[YUAN MIN]
SHES MY JUNIOR!!

WOULD YOU EVER DATE 1?[JUSTIN]
DUN THINK SO..HAHA

IS 19 SINGLE?[SAMANTHA]
I DUN THINK SO..

WHAT IS 10'S LAST NAME?{HUI LIN]
ER..HUI LIN??

WOULD YOU EVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH 11?[JAYNE]
NOPES,SHES MY SISTER!!!

PRIMARY SCHOOL OF 3?[NARELLE]
HOW THE HECK WOULD I KNOW LAHS

WHERE DOES 6 LIVE?[AINSLEY]
WOODLANDS!!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVE THING ABOUT 5?[RUI YING]
SHES DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN NICE!!:d

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN 2 NAKED?[TASNEEM]
OMGG..NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!SO SICKO QUESTION!!

ANWS MOTHER NAGGING ASKING ME GO EAT LAIOS.SO TATA FOR NOW!!!
;D

;10:26 PM

Name 20 friends !!Name 20 Friends!!!
1:christopher
2:georgina
3:farah
4:athirah
5:'big man'
6:nic cher
7:nat koh
8:joleen
9:ilma
10:phelycia
11:amanda
12:gerald
13:mr royston
14:ainsley
15:vivien
16:gareth
17:daryl
18:hong ting
19:anthea
20:yuan ling

Would 6 and 19 be a cute couple?
err.dun think so!!(nic cher and anthea?)

Have you ever kissed 3?
of course not!! farah my team mate!

Is 17 a boy or girl?
boy-.-

How many sibling does 5 have?
ohoh..pai seh!!never ask leh .BIG MAN

What color hair does 14 have?
black!!!

Would or have you ever dated 7?
HELL NO!!shees my fav senior!!

Describe 18 in three words.
hong ting>pretty..nice..funny

What is your greatest memory with 15?
church!!

How many pets does 20 have?
i dun think she has any

Does 12 live near you?
what do you think???hes my brother!!

What number lives closest to you?
12

Would 6 and 7 be a cute couple?
nic cher and nat koh?haha.of course!!

How did you meet 8?
school luhhs..

How many of these people have you dated?
not a single one of them..im guai!!

Would you ever tell 13 that you love them?
err.no?hes my teacher!!

Which is most random?
6.

Which is hottest?
thats for me to know!!and for you to find out,

Which is the funniest?
17;

Who is your best friend?
can say almost all lahs><

Which looks most like a monkey/gorilla?
dun think any of them.

How many did you meet in school?
15 of them:)

Do you have more than 20 friends?
then??ohnono..am a loner!!-.-

How awesome am I at making these surveys?!?! =]
you are damn lame!!

;9:08 PM

okay..the com today damn retarded.i think im gonna be bored everyday lehs.so sadd..now sit here blog nonsense wait for the night to come so the game will start so how retarded can i be.then this so nice cat of mine keeps walking around me since last night so i could sleep properly...then in the morning just wake up only cat use nose touch my face wake me up..finally i got out of the bed then she started meowing for food.doing all this since last night jsut to make sure i feed her today morning..walao!!dun trust me one lahs this cat!!so meanie..nevermind.anws.someone pls entertain me cos im gonna fall asleep at this com soon!! :(

;7:08 PM

im trying to tell myself not to let anything affect anymore.i dunno why,but know everything seems to be coming back more hurtful then before.i dunno why,i really dunno why.korkor,i miss you!! wanna be care free,but i dun wanna have the bochup attitude anymore.ive changed,even if it werent for him,i'll have decided to change for myself.tmr first game of national league..gonna play with a new team.a whole new team that is,i dunno whether i'll be able to do it or not.i dun wanna make a bad first impression.i wanna do my best.but with all this little things bugging me,i dunno whether i'll be able to or not.this feeling seriously suck.why cant i just be happy like everyone else that i know of?why do i have to trouble myself and make myself feel so miserable?

;2:43 AM

Monday, May 26, 2008

omgg.i feeling so damn bloody bored now.big man not replying me!!haha,then i at here post somemore..haha!!anws, i forgot to say,yesterday korkor finally came back for a while after centuries.then he brought back sweets.he ask me open then go share.so i ask jiejie then she take.then afterwards he say go give mummy,
i: she wont take one lahs.want face
korkor: she will take one lahs,trust me.
i: you sure?
korkor: yes
then up mummy say no thanks.wa lao,gerald so happy wanted to give you then like that.then hes face like so saddsadd one.you know how much he wants to come back home..so when will you ever stop the act and let him home.you keep using his friends as an excuse.
whats the use??let him come back lahs.i want him back.pls..i dun wanna have to live knowing that i have a brother but yet i cant see him everyday.it makes no sense.ppl get to see their siblings everyday but not me.isnt that very wierd?
then why is he called a brother for?
why cant both of you forgive each other,give in then let him move back in.korkor keeps telling me he wants to come back but its only that you dun wanna let him return.and sometimes i really wonder..do you feel sadd at all?do you feel secured that he is out in the world alone.do you?i really wanna know,you know that im in school almost everyday rights?so the chances for me to see him when he comes back is very little.but then again,if im not here he doesnt come home.then when i talk to him,you say im siding him.omgg,whats your fucking problem?i dun understand..i want to see a happy family again.last time when we were young you used to lock us out of the house whenever you were happy.then know you rally overdid it by not letting him home.you even took the house keys away from him.can you not just look at the piercings all this.why do you get so angry with the 4 piercings he has..and you dun get angry at me at all.i used to have 7 ear holes and one belly piercing.is this favourtism?
i dun need it you know,i'd rather you treat us equally then do this.i dun care anymore.if you want me to talk back at you until you know how i feel and finally give in,i'll do just that.you know how mean i can get.i dun wanna do it but you yourself are the one forcing me to do it.i dun wanna leave in this type of family anymore.no,i dun want to.whenever i think of korkor..all the what ifs come into my head.andand i wonder.what if one day he was injured or something bad happened because he was helping ppl.would you break down and cry or would you simply just say serve him right and just walk away.i dun give a damn about the problems i have now,i just wanna fix this once and for all.im telling you,if you decide never to let him back,then sorry.you have just lost a daughter.although im still staying here.i'll go out till late.then come home.youi will seldom see me at home.like how i was last june hols.everyday going out,only returning late in the night.or not returning at all.this i really wonder,would i really have to become like that again.i dun wanna have to be like this,but if me turning bad is the only way to force you to let korkor return home then i will.sorry,

;11:57 PM

i just got back from training.today so suay,first thing wake up recieve msg say training at 9 instead of 10.then by the time i reach school gonna be one hour late liaos.then reach there first thing kena scolded for the type of bra i use-.-
lucky never scold until so jialat.
then anws,training so tiring.noraida had to play cos short of players..only had like 13.haha.then she playes gs,omgg.damn shoik plaing with her lahs,haha
anws,tmr must go all the way to kallang to play national league.
ahhhhhhh,
by the time come home so late alrdy then the nextday need to be at bedok mrt station at 8 in the morning!!!
omgg,how am i supposed to do that?
wake up 5am?!!?!
so tiring,haha'
anws,just now saw phelycia then she say she got taping on her butt there-.-
george heard then she was like eeeeeeeee..
hah
then she zhao liaos
haha
anws.im so bored now
hope ppl will come online soon!!
haha

;2:25 PM

CHEW AINSLEY CHEW CHEW CHEW!!
HAHA
OMGG,I LOVE KIM &KIMBERLY!!
HAHA, WE ROCK YOUR SOCKS RIGHTS?
HAHA
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE AINSLEY AND KIMMY!!
MY TWINNY,
WE ROCK!!
WHEEEEEETS!!

HAHA
I JUST KNEW OF THIS GUY..
I CALL HIM ANGELIC BIG MAN AND HE CALLS ME SMALL GIRL -.-
ANWS,HES 171CM TALL!!
I2CM DIFFERENCE OKAY..HAHA
ANDAND HES VERY FUNNY.
ANWS,IM LAZY TO BLOG ALRDY!!
BYES,

;7:07 AM

Sunday, May 25, 2008

the smiling kim is never happy.forcing myself to smile is one of the things that take away most of my energy.the rest i gotta use to concentrate on my studies and sports..why cant you ppl understand??im not showin you all attitude.im just tired of trying to be happy when im not..so stop forcing me to tell you everything.i think it would be better for both if us if i dun say anything.so lets just mind our own business from now on.you be my coach i'll learn.thats the only thing that will keep us from arguing anymore.i dun want you to waste your time on me anymore.i dun think its worth it at all.
lord,tell me what to do.
i give my all to you
do wonders through me.

left my fear at the side of the road
hear you speak
won't let gof
all to my knees as i lift my hands to pray
got every reason to be here again
father's love that draw me in
and all my eyees wanna see is a glimpse of you
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
one more day and it's not the same
your spirit calls my heart to sing
drawn to the voice of my savior once again
where would be my soul without your son
gave his life to save the earth
rest in the thought that
you're watching over me
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you
all i need is you
all i need is you
all i need i you lord
is you lord
all i need is you
all i need is you lord
is you lord
you hold the universe
you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe
you hold
you hold
you hold the universe
you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe
you hold
father you hold
you hold the universe
you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe
you hold
you hold

;4:08 AM

anws
mr royston just sent the pictures we took to e
thank you,:D

Are you in love? Take the Love quiz! -->
Crushing

You have a crush on someone! Crushing is a bit different than love, but it feels like almost the same thing. You think of that special person constantly, and your heart is full of hope and anticipation. Good luck to you!

http://widgets.friendster.com/thelovequiz/test.php

;1:17 AM

yesterday went to hillsongs.it wasnt what i had expected.it was real fun and to think i thot of leaving before that.i didnt think that i would have the guts to jump up and down and least of all,sing.then got some so pai seh incident that happeed,i shant make myself more pai seh.anws,thats about all that happened yesterday.then today just came back from church..its raining now.how i wshed i could go out and cryy to my hearts content.so many things have been bottled up inside.you ppl were the ones who told me that it is not good but yet you ppl are the ones forcing me to do so.ive told myself to hide all my feelings.i dun wanna bother any of you anymore.so im saying sorry in advanced if i seem arrogant.im not,its just that i dun wanna end up crying anymore.im sorry.if you dun want me to wait anymore,pls tell me.i'll give up.i dun wanna waste your time anymore,then we will just be two strangers living our own life.not caring that we once knew each other.i dunno what to do anymore,its killing me a little more and more inside,dun ask me why.my heart just cant take it anymore.

;12:11 AM

Friday, May 23, 2008

i feel so gong nowadays lahs..so irritiating!!i hate myself..BLEH!anws,im stuck at home with a family of sleeping beauties.ommgg,when will they ever wake up..arghhhhh!!leave me so boredd here..the kittens are also sleeping..so am i the abnormal one for not sleeping now.hope not..sigh.somebody help make my mind up for me..what should i do?leave school,leave everything behind and start all over again in another school?or continue with everything i have now and try to overcome the problems.omgg,i wanna run away from reality.its so sucky!!sian de lor..die better lahs.anws,...somebody help me!!

;8:15 PM

i dunno..i think its my fault.i know i should just let go of you.but i really cant.it hurts so much.whenever i think of doing that,my heart just breaks.anws,im all alone at home again.i cant find korkor.he like never come back alrdy.last time msg him also never reply.omgg,i dun wanna have to lose a brother.ive been prayin so hard that even though he has left us,left home.i always prayed that he would come back so i would be able to see him.why cant mummy and him just give in to each other,say sorry so i can have a family again.i feels as if im alone in this world.even with jiejie and mum,i dun feel like a family.im always not at home and when im at home we dun talk?should i just leave sports school?i want to for all the things that have been happening in there,but i cant just say i wanna leave cos of the people there and netball.although i told myself that i'll most probably be wuitting netball when im sec four,i wanna comtinue playing until then.i dun wanna stop now.i finally got a chance to be in the under 14s and im not gonna throw this wonderful chance given to me away.somebody tell me what i should do.the one that i used to be able to talk to,we dun talk anymore.noww,i dun have a single person to talk to.yes,i know ive got nat,the team and other friends.but this one particula person is able to change my mindset just like that.i dunno how this perrrson does that,but yeah.so somebody tell me,what am i supposed to do?
sacrifice my sports?the thing ive been fighting so hard for,or my family,the thing which im trying to fix?

;2:00 AM

Thursday, May 22, 2008

i know its been since a while i have not posted.anws,this week passed so quickly when i really didn't want it to.so now the school hols is here and tmr is hillsongs!!just got back my chinese test results.im failing again!!consecutive four modules..i think im gonna get retained ma..stupid chinese!!i got twenty plus upon eighty..stupid me!!can never pass one lahs.then anws,yesterday we had cluster activity..went dragon boating..it was tiring yet fun..but there was this point of time when i got so scared i started crying.i was in the 20 sitter boat..then everyone wanted to do the sit at the edge and rock the boat thingy..i told them that no matter what i'll stay insidee.so i sat down then the instructor started rocking th boat.even though rock until so much already they wanted to do it until their butts touched the water.i just started crying and i really dunnno why..guess i was too scared.so the instructor stopped then somebody just seemed so angry somemore only think of winning despite knowing that we will never be able to..all girls.all the other academies got so many guys.you bloody bitch!you better watch out ,nehmind.dun wanna apoil my mood with her!!i hope i'll be able to last through the june hols.dun wanna die so fast!!anws,
i'll wait and wait and wait.nothing's gonna be too long for me.and i assure you i will nevber find it not worth it.hopefully one day you'll come back.

;11:47 PM

Sunday, May 18, 2008

i don't know what to do anymore.i should have gotten over the whole incident by now..but why can't i?why those it still stay in my head?i know i need to forget but i dun wanna let go of you..how should i tell you this.we never started so we don't have an ending.but..with those actions.i don't know how to forget everything.pls?could we just try?and everthing i do,i keep thinking of you.i knnow sometimes the road can get rough,it's getting a little crazy.we can make it.if you trust in us.we gotta fight for it.we got to want it that bad for it.you and me together.forever and ever,don't give up cos it's you and me against the world.then i'd rather be with you.cause you're the only one for me.don't give us up.if you don't give up,then i won't give up.and i know it's easier to just let go.and i felt the same way sometimes for a second,but only for a second.cause a minute later,i think about my whole life without you andd i started to get shivers all up and down my spine.the thought of you leaving makes me lose my mind.i know the road is rough.but we should stick together cause we both need love.{pls don't give up}if only forgetting you was as easy as loving you.some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength.but there are sometimes in life when it takes much more then strength to just let go.sometimes i think love is like the tears we try to hide.only truly apparent as it slips away.i don't regret loving him.i just regret holding back on the things i wished i said.the problem with love is you can love anyone you want,but so can he.

if i gave you enough pretty words,could you paint a picture of us that works?

a day without you is a day i wished i'd never live.

i am dying inside because you can't be mine
andand i dun wanna be your whole life,just your favourite part.

being burnt is nothing compared to my shattered heart.

here's a boy who doesn't know what's in front of him;
and she's a girl who never learns how to let go.

you may think im quiet around you,
its just that you make me speechless.

one time,i said to myself that i hated you.i tried to do it but,everytime i see you.i always tell myself that i love you.

when i saw you,

i immediately turned away,

because i knew if our eyes met,

that would be all it'll take to

bring me to tears.

hes the only reason why i wake up in the morning and he doeesn't know or care and that breaks my heart.and if he breaks my heart,then why do i still like him?

;8:28 PM

i cannot control myself anymore.the tears just flow out.
i cant even sleep now.whenever i think of closing my eyes.i think of your msgs.i dun wanna let go..i dun wanna forget.i wanna be with you.how i wish you could see all this.the pain..
you are a beautiful idea with such a tragic ending.
why cant we just try?
how would you know what would happen?

;10:33 AM

before i start saying all the sad part..let me tell you something stupid that happened when ainsley and me at queensway.was going to macs..then went up.afterwards got the railing there then i was about to lean onto it to look down,then suddenly ainsley say nooooooo..then show me the sign wet paint..then knowing how blurr i am..my face damn shocked hen hands go up then like surrender like that..then suddenly this young boy the mother and father startd giggling..then i pai seh faster walk away.then dunno why we went down first then go up then sit in macs.then when go up so many ppl holding onto the railings..not even wet pain!!!make me lose face lahs..wa lao..haha

omgg. i feel so stupid...i do all this stpid stuff to myself and now i dunno how im going to go school alrdy lahs.omgg..kimberly you sseriously suck!!andand i dunno how im going to be able to clear up stuff with noraida.i should just leave it as that man.i feel so stupid!then all i had to do was to ask that question and boom..i cause myself to start crying in church!!then need to go out when worship start..vivien musthave told daddy.he came up..why am i such a fool?you told me to change,i did.you told me not to give up,i persevered.you told me to think positive,i did.i did all this for you..but all i get in return is to get hurt.i dun wanna blame you..ami supposed to let wait or imple just let go?cos i still want you..sometimes i wish life was a fairytale...so i could always love you.no matter what.i'll wait with no regrets..i'll wait for you.no matter how much your life is screwed..know that i'll always be here for you..as a friend.

YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON IM LIVING FOR..

;7:30 AM

Saturday, May 17, 2008

now i finally kniw..now i finally realise that ive been a fool to love you.anws,since morning till now ive been alone.until now the ppl staying in this house is not back yet and all i can do is to stuff myself wid food.-.-
i hungry go take food and eat..but then the only things i have been eating down are just snacks..and too much of them!!i havent really eat a proper meal at home for dunno how long liaos..so little timess i get to get meal at home..aiyo,can stop leaving me at home or not ahs?very irritiating lehs..omgg!!
you dun have to know,cos my heart cant take it anymore:(

I.. love you,
and I..
need you
Nelly I..
love you, I do..
neeeeed you
but
No matter what I do,
all I think about is you
Even when I'm with my boo,
boy you know I'm crazy over you
No matter what I do,
all I think about is you
Even when I'm with my boo,
boy you know I'm crazy over you
Check it, check it, check it,
uhhI met this chick and she just moved right up the block from me
And uhh, she got the hots for me the finest thing my hood did see
But oh no, oh no, she gotta a manand a son,
doh'ohhh,
but that's okay
Cause I,
wait for my cue and just listen,
play my position
Like a shortstop,
pick up e'rything mami hittin
And in no time..(no time)
I..
I plan to make this wah-one mi-i-ne..
and that's for sure
Cause I,
I never been the type to,
break up a happy home
But uh,
there's somethin bout baby girl I just can't leave alone
So tell me ma what's it gonna be?
She said(You don't know what you mean to me)Check it, check it, check it,
uhh
I see a lot and you look and I never say a word
I know how niggaz start actin trippin out here about they girls
And there's no way-ayy-hey,
Nelly gon' fight overno day-hey-ame..
as you can see
But I,
I like your steez, your style, your whole demeanor
The way you come through and holla and swoop me in his 2-seater
Now that's gangstah-ah-ahhh..
And I got special ways to thank yah-ah-ahhh..
don't you forget it
But uh, it ain't that easy for you to pack and leave him
But uh,
you and dirty got ties for different reasons
I respect that and right before I turn to leave,
she said
Sing it for me K
I..
love you,
and I..
need you
Nelly I..
love you,
I do..(c'mon girl)
And it's more than you'll..
ever know
But..
it's fo'sho
You can always count on my love
Foreveeeeer more,
yeahh-yeahh..
East coast,
I know you shakin right
Down South,
I know you bouncin right
West coast,
I know you walkin right,
causeMidwest,
I see you swingin right(You don't know what you mean to me)East coast,
I know you shakin right
Down South,
I know you bouncin right
West coast,
I know you walkin right,
causeMidwest,
I see you swing it right(You don't know what you mean to me)
East coast,
you still shakin right
Down South,
I see you bouncin right
West coast,
I know you walkin right,
causeMidwest,
I see you swingin right(You don't know what you mean to me)East coast,
I know you shakin right
Down South,
I know you bouncin right
West coast,
I know you walkin right
Midwest,
I see you swing it right(You don't know what you mean to me)
East coast,
you still shakin rightDown South,
I see you bouncin rightWest coast,
I know you walkin right,
cause
Midwest,
I see you swingin right(You don't know what you mean to me)

;4:32 AM

i dunno whats wrong with me now..why cant i just let it out?why does everyone make it seem so easy?but why is that whenever i try..it doesnt seem to work out or its that i will become scared..im scared things wont work out..you dun even know.i hate myself for lovin you so much.now,i dun even know whether i should wait or not..i wanna wait..but part of me knows that it is useless.cos i dun deserve you at all.why wont you just give me a chance?i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.i love you.you can take my breathe away.i wanna cry now!hate that i love you boy..let me be your hero!

;1:01 AM

Friday, May 16, 2008

maybe i should change the way i talk or response..or maybe its really time for a big change..i mean,new school,new friends,new focus..mayb this might work fer me..so i wont keep hurting noraida over and over again.i dun mean to do that.why cant she understand what im trying to do..when i dun look at her she not happy.i look at her she say i staring..when i dun reply she ask why never reply..when i reply she say showing no respect..i dunno what to do anymore.maybe i shouldn try anymore..but ppl tell me to continue?but whatever it is.its my fault!!all mine,i dun wanna lose everything both of us work so hard fer..:(somebody guide me pls..i only wanna talk to somebody..the onlysomebody im comfortable with sharing things with..the only one whom i seem to nderstand only..answ.the freaking under-14 results not in yet man..so sickening one!!anws,with the way she talked about,i know i wont be in alrdy.can prepare myself liaos.anws,sometimes i wonder you do seee what i have been writing?i hope you do..i love you<3

;6:06 AM

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

wheeeeeee.im at libabry now!!haha,george at here too!!haha,athirah fly to dunnno which part of the library liaos.haha,omgg!andand the under 14 team results have not come out yet lehs.sadd,wait so long liaos!!haha,andand olivia is looking at what im typing here!!heh,anws.gonna chiong fer studies liaos!!i wanna take A maths lehs..and pure science!!im gonna study study study liaos.no more playing a fool and no more attitude.im gonna keep up the A1s fer myself and mr royston too!!im bored here,andand now a days im sick of myself man.i keep taking the attendance wrongly.sooner or later i'll get fired lahs.sianx.im such an idiot!fcuk,and i need you here by my side.when will you ever realise?i'll wait and wait and wait until the day you realised.this girl won't admit but she loves you deeply,<3

pls dun worry about me im fine only gonna play the fool one time.trust me when i say that i'll be okay.always thot i woudl now where ot find love, always thot i'll be ready and strong enough but sometimes i just felt like i could give up..

let me hear you whispering sweet nothings into my ears.*

;11:03 PM

and she says she wants to hear those three words from your lips,
she wants to love you.
pls be her love,
sing her a sweet lullaby.
i love you<3

and i'll wait for you,<3
i told you this before.
when will you realise how much i love you.
i want your hugs and kisses.

;12:17 AM

Sunday, May 11, 2008

haha.in com lab now in history class.im lame,anws.good luck to everyone fer the final selection fer the final 12 fer the under fourteen team!!fer thoise who never get in,being in the under 14 squad is already a very good achievement.so dun be too disappointed alrights?haha,i hope i wont have to cry because of not getting in..good luck kim!!do your best..
ps:i love you<3

;10:07 PM

gonna have to go school soon,heh,omgg.i feel so surprised with myself!!haha,im finally listening in church.haha,then vivien trina tricia at there keep giving me those type of looks whnever i get a msg.haha,then afterwards all of us disturb vivien back!haha,then get allowance,thn zhao home.so boring..go home alone.every week also like that one luhhs,haha.vivien wants to go watch speed racer..she say very nice!!haha,i dun wanna go skool!omgg,it sucks!!andandd i havent even started doing my homework yet!!dun even know how to do it!!mr royston that one is confirm must do one luhhs..never do afterwards he start saying the your choic thingy..so irritiating man!!ohohoh,the song "this i swear" is super nice and super old.haha.must listen!!haha,i wanna sleep liaos..haha,Byes!!
will you be mine?

;1:00 AM

Saturday, May 10, 2008

You're there by my side
In every way
I know that you would not forsake me
I give you my life
Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

So whenever you get there
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

;6:31 AM

i wanna thank you for eveything that has been happening in my life now,

;5:09 AM

haha,just now go watch movie,wantted to pay myself but then he say he treat..haha,but thanks by the way!heh,watched ironman but then so what,cos they keep killing ppl.haha,but its a nice show.it was he's second time watching..haha,anws.just now when coming home go onto the train then see jiejie..haha.she just finished her camp briefing and was going to meet mummy at kranji.haha,then i kop one side of her ear piece then listen to her so-different-from-mine songs.then late she fell asleep.i stopped at cck then take 172 home.then got some blangah come sit beside me..haha,now im at home with no one else but grandpa,also dun talk to him ones.nehmind,i'll entertain myself.andand i wonder why ppl make their blog private..what are they scared about?

i wanna love again.

i wanna be in lovee with you,

may i?<3

;4:33 AM

Friday, May 9, 2008

just to say i love you<3
i'll change,
i promise.

;7:53 PM

heh,so this is my last year room mate!!sammie tan,omgg i miss her so much now.her miss her jokes,i miss her care and concern,i just miss every wonderful thing about me..omgg!

i finally never wake up at three am already!!shiok,haha.afterwards finally going out.haha,im damn lame lehs.nowadays,make a fool of myself only.haha,but i'd raather ppl know me fer being crazy then have ppl know me as being emo.hha,alrights.i always blog lame things.haha,the kittens eyes open alrdy!haha,blue in colour!!so nice,

ps"i love you<3"

;5:14 PM

i wanna go sleep soon.haha,just now go causeway wid george and farah.haha,thenthen go to more than words,george bought cj7 soft to fer sam birthday.haha,then farah bought fwer her chocs.i lazy to buy anything lahs,hah.then before that same called me to go meet them.then i heard causeway kfc.then i go say okaiee.but end up is plaza sing.theni was lilke oh oh.then apologised and say too far.heh,sorrie ahs,i deaf alrdy.then nehmind while walking to civic to buy farah drink.saw the soccer boys.then buy alrdy/george say need to go liaos so bye bye to her.then farah and i go sit doen then saw ange and two sec 1 soccer boys.so they caame and sit down wid us later 8 we decidedd to go home.while walking back,saw khAI they all in kfc.angge went in to talk to them while we stood outside waiting.then later saw nat,said hi.then later walking to top up card,saw nnic fareez and some other sec two guy.i go top up cars then ange saw kenneth and jia fa so she go talk to them.then later we go in,then when go up train come alrdy so went in.afterwards go in then talk talk talk.cck nic go.then afterwards at jurong east.that sec i soccer guy and the sc two soccer guy go opposit sde from i and fareez.we went out the at jurong east.we damn crazy siol.haha.then talked to him.hha,BORED!hes junior keep making fun of me lahs.cos i very sleepy.haha,then alight from 242 then finally come home.haha,shiok ahs!haha,so now gonna sleep liaos.haha.goodnights!!

ps:i love you<3

;6:52 AM

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

im finally at home man.andand omgg,i miaa nz alrdy!!i wanna stay there and never come back.there was the warmth of a family there.unlike here,it sucks!!anws,i had a super great time there.there was this swoop thingy so went on it twoce.help others who were scared to go.damn shiok,but second time go wid mr ross and mr quintin too sacry and too fasst liaos.haha,i was totally freaked out by the time we came down!unfortunately,we didnt have the time to go in the zorb,the trip was nice.we went to this tribal village.the pppl there sang so beautiflly,especially the oldest lady there.96 years old!!omgg,ohwells,time fer the emo part,

have you ever thot how you would feel?whenever you came out of the arrival hall and you are always there stading alone?while everyone else has there family to go to?it feels so horrible!!especially this time round when i come back from nz!!xwhen we were taking our luggage,i was trying my best to hold back my tears.when ph and i went out,we went o her family,there was nothing i could do.i said goodbye to her and her family,and when i turned around to get my bags,i glanced everywhre and guess what i saw?everyone was alrdy wid there family.it was the same as when we were flying off.no one was there fer me!!no one at all.it might seem very childish to be sad over this kind of things,but know how much it means to me?omgg,im so scared then when i pass you the thing i have for you fer motheres day,im scared you will say that its just a waste of money.well,guess what?if that happens,im just gonna walk out of the house.and dun blame me.you were the one who taught me to do all this.you were the one who taught me to keep a straight face no matter whst happens.even if im sad or angry.im slowly mastering thsr.so dun blame me when i finally master it and seem cold towards you.i told myself to enjoy the trip no matter what.but guess i couldnt.andand they keep saying that i like jovi i like jove.dont you guys have better things to do other then that?cos the fact is,i dont like him.why the hell would alike a guy like him eh?so stop this freaking nonsense yeah?i dun care when you read this post what all of you would say,and of course all of you would start bitching again.but guess what?it will never get to me.you spam lahs.i also dun care.cos you dun even treat me as a friend.so why should i?if things gotta end this way,then so be it.cos i dont care anymore.on th last night at totara springs,all of us sat in a circle and mr poh asked everyone to complete this sentence.i wish....but im gladim here because.....and guss what i nearly wanted to say?i wih i could feel loved by my mother but im glad that im here because i could experience this things which none of my family memberfs have ever experinced befre?would you be haapy if i said that?think carefullly.

;5:59 AM